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"Good Girls Like Sex Too!" Book

2011-12-16T14:49:16Z

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Description of the Research and the Book that will come from this research.

“Good Girls Like Sex Too!”

It’s time for the “good girl” syndrome to die with “the world is flat” faux pas. Over a decade of working with couples in marriage and sex therapy, I’ve learned that one of the most powerful predictors of divorce is sex. This means that one of the biggest predictors of a happy marriage has to do with sex too. If you seriously consider the value of sex in marriage and the awesome superglue power sex possesses in developing the true “one-ness” that the institution of marriage was designed for, it’s easy to appreciate the importance of this book.

You might think that something so important as happiness, and life satisfaction should compel more authors to write about sexual intimacy in marriage. There aren’t very many. And of those books, that include sexual discussion, many seem to be lacking in the role of sex in developing the true intimacy marriages are designed to have. It’s total neglect! (O.K. There are some good books that discuss sex and I mention them in the appendix.) Not only are we lacking helpful information in the literature, we are lacking in the teaching area. We aren’t learning about it adequately at home. We don’t learn about it at school. And we certainly aren’t learning about connecting with your spouse through mutually satisfying sex at church! So, where are we learning about sex? (Clamor-Clamor…) Are the sources of this information helpful or hurtful? Is the information worthy of repetition? Where can we turn for answers? Voulais!!

All good writers should admit their bias.

I am a happiness-comfort seeking, irreverent, conservative Christian. As a Christian I believe that our purpose for living is to experience joy. (“Adam fell that men might be men are that they might have joy”) When people aren’t experiencing the joy that I believe a loving and interested Heavenly Father has intended his children to experience… something is amiss. In terms of society, I also believe that happy satisfied couples united with the superglue of sexual intimacy provide the perfect platform for their children to launch into life with a promising future.

If you are brave enough, or curious enough, I invite you to take a journey that allows you into the private lives of over 100 courageous, good women who have joined hands in unity to claim their right of marital sexual enjoyment. Without these brave women, we would not have this book.

So… What’s in the book?

What are the conditions for enjoyable sex? What barriers do women have to overcome to enjoy sex? How did they overcome these barriers? Are there any guidelines in terms of stimulation for sexual enjoyment? What does it really take to climax? You will also learn secrets women rarely share with their friends about what works to make their relationship really rock.

Men…

Only the wisest and bravest men will read this book. You men who read this book truly care about the happiness of your spouse. You submit yourself to their tutelage. There is so much we can learn from these sacred pages.

If you would like to reserve your copy of this book please email me at emilharker@gmail.com or text me at 801-678-6070. When it is available I will send you a notice.

"Killing Criticism" with Confidence, Composure, and Control

2011-03-22T18:03:23Z

"Fogging" the art of Killing Criticisms - Improving Communication in Important Relationships

        What happens when you throw a rock into a cloud of fog?… Nothing. Critical comments are words like sticks and stones. They hurt when they hit. Fogging is a technique to avoid getting “hit” with criticism and hurtful comments. This works especially well in marriage communication. Fogging requires self-restraint and careful listening. Fogging involves listening and responding only to the “element” of truth. Any reflection of an exception to the truth leads to more argument.
       Critical comments range from 0% true to 100% true. The more truth you can agree with a critical statement the more control you have in the interaction. The more you disagree, the more you reflect the “rock” back to the thrower.
100% True – Possible responses: “You are absolutely right” or “That is 100% right” or “I hate to admit it but that is true.” If you know it is true, agree with it, and it will end the argument.
99% to 1% – When you can agree with some of what they say. Possible responses: “I am like that a lot.” “I do that a lot don’t I.” “I am like that sometimes.” “There are times when I do that.” “A part of me agrees with you.” “There are a few times when that is true.”
0% True – Rarely will anyone say something completely off base. However, if you honestly cannot see any truth to their statement, here are some options.
If you are taken by surprise completely - Ask “What do you mean by that?” Be careful to listen for the element of truth. If there is a hint of logic and reason to their criticism - Respond “Perhaps from your perspective it might look like that.”
If the person is just trying to be hurtful – “Do you really mean that?” “Do you really mean what you just said?”

       Fogging is not “waffelling.” It is not giving in. It is staying in control of the interaction. The fogger decides what element of truth there is to the criticism. Agreeing with what you don’t genuinely agree with is manipulative and self-destructive.

EXAMPLE
Jen:. “Jim you are such a slob, you never pick up after yourself”
Jim: “You are right, I struggle to put my clothes in the hamper.” (Jen was being hurtful, notice how Jim defuses potential conflict by defining what is meant by Jen If Jim is wrong, you can bet Jen will make sure to correct him.)
Jen: [cont.] “Struggle?” “How can you run a business when you can’t even take care of your clothes?” (Jim “fogged” the slob argument, Jen picked up another “rock” – the “can’t run business” argument.)
Jim: “What do you mean.” (Unsure of what the comment was about, Jim asks.)
Jen: “You always forget to take care of the small things that turn into big ones.” (This is the new “rock.” There was nowhere else for Jen to go.)
Jim: That is more true than I would like to admit.”

When people are rude or insensitive they are communicating from a place of hurt, or fear. Fogging will normally force a question from the person who is being critical. The Next letter will deal with answering these questions effectively.

For more information go to ChangesYou.com and Download the article in the Download section!